RIP: My Time as a Postdoc

Well, it's official. I won't be returning to my former lab as a postdoc. The road here has gone something like this:

February 11 - find out I can't be re-hired

June 12 - last day of work

July 23 - phone call from the old boss saying he had money and would I like to come back. My response: I need to wait just a few more weeks to hear about a full time teaching position, but my chances aren't great - yes, I'll come back.

July 29 - I'm back visiting my old college and in chatting with my old advisor get the impression that research isn't what I should be focusing on - I need more teaching experience. I have a little panic here, considering that right now I'm more likely to end up back as a postdoc than with a teaching position.

July 30 - an e-mail from the associate dean of the local technical college (via a student who worked in the lab across from me) wondering if I'd be available to teach a General Biology class as a part-time instructor. Yay! Teaching experience - and it was part-time, so I could do both the postdoc and this class. I still haven't heard from the potential full time college though and so I send out a few feeler e-mails of "I know you can't tell me much, but is there a timeline - I've been offered another position."

August 4 - am officially hired to teach at the tech - I accept that job even w/o hearing from the full time teaching position because I can't refuse any form of teaching experience. Also, I'm still leaning towards going back to the postdoc as well - in fact, I've had a rather sudden panic attack about not having done enough of a postdoc to have my own little project to take with me someday. I call the old boss to let him know I've taken the one-course job and have pretty much decided on the lab over the full time teaching position. He tells me that he's not sure what the final numbers are for the grant, he's still thinking about hiring a technician (sort of a different story than what I got during his original phone call), he's going on vacation the following week and he's not making any decisions until after he gets back.

August 6 - I get summoned into the lab by the ex-boss to help the grad student find a reagent I had gotten from my grad lab. Turns out I didn't save it - very bad move, but in my defense, I wasn't totally into the lab during the last few months. My boss was not too nice to me that day and I didn't have the sense that I really wanted to go back. I find out the true story behind his funding - not only does he not know exactly how much money he's getting, he's not completely sure that his institution isn't going to treat it as a loan repayment. I also discover that he thought he could demand that I come into the lab because "she's just sitting at home. She can come in here." And, best of all, I find out that he's talked to the grad student who set me up with the part-time job trying to figure out exactly how much time I'd have to spend teaching/preparing for class. He also discusses with her how he doesn't believe I ever produced very much data. I decide, taking all of this into consideration, as well as the fact that he never quite valued my opinions as a scientist (ie - when he had questions about phosphorylation he'd visit everyone else in the department but never talk to me.....his own postdoc who spent 6 years of graduate school working on phosphorylation and who has connections to a major phosphorylation expert) that I no longer wish to return to his lab. Of course this causes me to have a few new worries. First, I've told him that I really want to come back and second, what do I do about getting my own research. I solved that second problem by calling my graduate mentor who was thrilled to help me and will give me whatever piece of research I want when the time comes. I decide to deal with the other problem when I hear from postdoc advisor. (August 6th was a mentally taxing day)

August 7 - August 26 - I prepare to start teaching - I will blog much more on getting that up and running and how my first class went etc. I also hear from the potential full time college - they've hired someone else and I didn't even get an interview. I was a bit mystified how I could have been a final candidate for a much longer-term job and not even get an interview for a one-year position, but if I've learned anything during the past 6 months it's that virtually zero rules apply in the world of hiring and firing. I come to appreciate my position - I still get to keep up with my house and the errands and all the books I want to read, but I get some people contact and teaching experience at the same time. Not a bad deal.

August 27 - I find an e-mail in my in-box from postdoc advisor entitled "Laboratory position." Well, I'm not stupid - it's got a formal title and it's an e-mail. He explains that based on the final numbers from the NSF he's decided to hire a technician. Unfortunately I find out that the tech he hired is not brand new - and therefore she's not an inexpensive hire. She probably costs at least exactly what I would have cost, but I can see why he tried to use that as a decent excuse to make me feel better about not being hired back. This has made my life easier - however (and this is a big however) he gets to feel all smug with himself since he was able to reject me. I desperately want him to know that I decided long ago not to return to his lab, I want him to know that my graduate advisor has come to my rescue since I knew postdoc advisor never would and I really want him to know that my decision is largely based on his behavior. Pride is a terrible thing.

And so, in one of those weird twists of fate that only our universe can conjure up, today is both the official end to my life as a postdoc and the official start to my life in education.