I Should be Writing a Quiz

Really. I need to write a 5 question quiz for Tuesday's class and I can't quite do it. Every time I try I either can't think of any questions or feel like I've made them too hard/too easy. At the moment, just one class into my first semester of teaching, I feel that way towards just about everything class-related. I'm fairly certain that I'm just suffering new teacher pains and this will all get easier with every class or quiz. Let's hope........

It has been a bit of a whirlwind 3 weeks. The course I'm teaching is only in its second semester at the tech and last spring only 10 students took the course. A full time instructor took on the burden of designing the course at the last minute and did his best with the time he was given. Until 2 months ago, it seemed like there would only be a need for 1 section of the course and then there was a sudden increase in interest and they had to hire a second instructor. Until 3 weeks ago it seemed like that would work out - and then there was a need for a third instructor - that's me and that's why I got hired a mere 20 days before the start of the semester.

This wasn't as difficult to deal with as you might imagine. The basic idea is that even though there are 3 sections each with a different instructor we will work together and make the General Biology course as a whole as cohesive as possible. The three of us met and decided what chapters to cover, what labs to do, that we will give daily quizzes and that there will be 6 exams, all covering the same chapters and all given within a day of the other sections. (I will mention here that this meeting took place the day before the class started) It wasn't as if suddenly I had 3 weeks to totally build up a course that was all mine. Someday I would like that chance, but I have to admit that for my first adventure into teaching a course I wasn't about to complain about being handed a syllabus and being told to use it word for word.

At the moment I can tell you honestly that I'm enjoying the experience. But.....I've only taught one class. Half of that was devoted to the syllabus. The kids (and some of them not kids) seemed fine and more than I expected participated. I'm sure the rapport will change and things will become more interesting/difficult/eye-opening when I start giving quizzes and test and suddenly grades become involved.

One very nice aspect to my new job is the new group of people I've met and who are now my co-workers. The first two people I met were the department secretary (like most secretaries, she knows the answers to every single question/problem you could possibly have and she loves helping people out) and the associate dean. The AD is very friendly, laid-back and super accessible. The full time instructor in charge of my course is a very smart, energetic ex-chiropractor who gets so excited about the course and the students that it's contagious. He has been so helpful to me and patient with all of my questions and concerns. In fact, my favorite moment of this experience so far took place while I was delivering my first lecture on Thursday. I happened to glance out towards the hallway and there he was - standing with a big grin of his face, jumping up and down and giving me the thumbs up. And all the faculty are like that. Every single person I've been has been friendly, excited and supportive. It seems like a fantastic environment and I'm excited to be a part of it.

I've also learned a lot more about working in an academic setting. Because it's a technical college, most of us were hired because we knew our fields but not necessarily how to teach. In fact, they came right out and told us at an orientation in-service (so many in-services to go to.....) that they assume we can't teach. For that reason we're required to maintain certification by attending 2-credit courses here and there along the way where we will learn how to become more effective educators. And we'll get the paperwork to prove it. Not a bad deal. Interestingly, by joining the technical college staff I automatically joined a union - something which I had never been a part of before. My involvement can range from paying my dues (probably what will happen) to being an active member (probably not - lest I hear more shouting from my husband of "You can't be in a union! I can't be married to a union member! There will be no unions in this house! I'm management, you can't be union!)

I have absorbed - or not - a ton of information over the past few weeks. The learning curve is steep at the moment, but that's good. And this whole thing is keeping me busy. (Speaking of busy - I am now officially going to be an instructor for the 9th/10th grade confirmation class at my church as well - a new endeavor which starts in about 2 weeks - but more on that in a separate post and when I know more about it myself) And now I really do have to write that quiz.........

RIP: My Time as a Postdoc

Well, it's official. I won't be returning to my former lab as a postdoc. The road here has gone something like this:

February 11 - find out I can't be re-hired

June 12 - last day of work

July 23 - phone call from the old boss saying he had money and would I like to come back. My response: I need to wait just a few more weeks to hear about a full time teaching position, but my chances aren't great - yes, I'll come back.

July 29 - I'm back visiting my old college and in chatting with my old advisor get the impression that research isn't what I should be focusing on - I need more teaching experience. I have a little panic here, considering that right now I'm more likely to end up back as a postdoc than with a teaching position.

July 30 - an e-mail from the associate dean of the local technical college (via a student who worked in the lab across from me) wondering if I'd be available to teach a General Biology class as a part-time instructor. Yay! Teaching experience - and it was part-time, so I could do both the postdoc and this class. I still haven't heard from the potential full time college though and so I send out a few feeler e-mails of "I know you can't tell me much, but is there a timeline - I've been offered another position."

August 4 - am officially hired to teach at the tech - I accept that job even w/o hearing from the full time teaching position because I can't refuse any form of teaching experience. Also, I'm still leaning towards going back to the postdoc as well - in fact, I've had a rather sudden panic attack about not having done enough of a postdoc to have my own little project to take with me someday. I call the old boss to let him know I've taken the one-course job and have pretty much decided on the lab over the full time teaching position. He tells me that he's not sure what the final numbers are for the grant, he's still thinking about hiring a technician (sort of a different story than what I got during his original phone call), he's going on vacation the following week and he's not making any decisions until after he gets back.

August 6 - I get summoned into the lab by the ex-boss to help the grad student find a reagent I had gotten from my grad lab. Turns out I didn't save it - very bad move, but in my defense, I wasn't totally into the lab during the last few months. My boss was not too nice to me that day and I didn't have the sense that I really wanted to go back. I find out the true story behind his funding - not only does he not know exactly how much money he's getting, he's not completely sure that his institution isn't going to treat it as a loan repayment. I also discover that he thought he could demand that I come into the lab because "she's just sitting at home. She can come in here." And, best of all, I find out that he's talked to the grad student who set me up with the part-time job trying to figure out exactly how much time I'd have to spend teaching/preparing for class. He also discusses with her how he doesn't believe I ever produced very much data. I decide, taking all of this into consideration, as well as the fact that he never quite valued my opinions as a scientist (ie - when he had questions about phosphorylation he'd visit everyone else in the department but never talk to me.....his own postdoc who spent 6 years of graduate school working on phosphorylation and who has connections to a major phosphorylation expert) that I no longer wish to return to his lab. Of course this causes me to have a few new worries. First, I've told him that I really want to come back and second, what do I do about getting my own research. I solved that second problem by calling my graduate mentor who was thrilled to help me and will give me whatever piece of research I want when the time comes. I decide to deal with the other problem when I hear from postdoc advisor. (August 6th was a mentally taxing day)

August 7 - August 26 - I prepare to start teaching - I will blog much more on getting that up and running and how my first class went etc. I also hear from the potential full time college - they've hired someone else and I didn't even get an interview. I was a bit mystified how I could have been a final candidate for a much longer-term job and not even get an interview for a one-year position, but if I've learned anything during the past 6 months it's that virtually zero rules apply in the world of hiring and firing. I come to appreciate my position - I still get to keep up with my house and the errands and all the books I want to read, but I get some people contact and teaching experience at the same time. Not a bad deal.

August 27 - I find an e-mail in my in-box from postdoc advisor entitled "Laboratory position." Well, I'm not stupid - it's got a formal title and it's an e-mail. He explains that based on the final numbers from the NSF he's decided to hire a technician. Unfortunately I find out that the tech he hired is not brand new - and therefore she's not an inexpensive hire. She probably costs at least exactly what I would have cost, but I can see why he tried to use that as a decent excuse to make me feel better about not being hired back. This has made my life easier - however (and this is a big however) he gets to feel all smug with himself since he was able to reject me. I desperately want him to know that I decided long ago not to return to his lab, I want him to know that my graduate advisor has come to my rescue since I knew postdoc advisor never would and I really want him to know that my decision is largely based on his behavior. Pride is a terrible thing.

And so, in one of those weird twists of fate that only our universe can conjure up, today is both the official end to my life as a postdoc and the official start to my life in education.

A Giant Sigh of Relief

In an earlier post I alluded to a recent concern of mine - that I lack a research niche to take with me when I apply for a permanent position at a small, liberal arts college. That concern transformed from something that just briefly crossed my mine into something that really worried me with regards to my chances to achieve a position. Yes, I need more teaching experience, but yes, these small colleges are expecting their professors to be able to provide the students with some access to real, live, hands on, at the bench research experience. All of a sudden, the need to get my postdoc position back seemed maybe more important than getting the year-long teaching position. And yesterday, once I knew that I'd have at least one class at the technical college per semester the idea of passing on a teaching position for a postdoc made even more sense. These were suspicions confirmed by my former college advisor, who has been invaluable lately with advice on what I need to be doing now in order to get where I want to go in a few years.

I was prompted to get in touch with my postdoc advisor, just to let him know that taking a postdoc was a little bit more of a priority now. I thought he'd be happy to hear that - but while he certainly wasn't disappointed, he clearly wasn't doing vocal cartwheels either. He told me that he's still waiting to hear about exactly how big his grant will be, he's going on vacation next week and isn't going to even begin to think about making any decisions until after. Great, more people putting me on hold. But as of last night I was still crossing my fingers that he'd decide in my favor in a few weeks' time.

Coincidentally, the grad student from that lab contacted me yesterday asking for help finding a plasmid (little DNA construct) that I had gotten from my grad lab. I called her and gave her all the directions I could think of....she couldn't find it in the stocks. This morning I had to send my postdoc mentor a form to fill out with regards to my new position at the technical college. I got a reply telling me that he'd sent the form and that S was having trouble finding this plasmid and basically ordering me into the lab to help her. By the time I returned home 4 hours later I had discovered that I never froze down this plasmid (big giant oops and not in my favor as far as getting re-hired), had eaten a lovely lunch with all the girls I used to eat with daily, and had learned a bit more about my post-doc mentors potential funding situation. I left not loving my odds - I also left not really wanting to return to that atmosphere. Big problem there.

And so I came home, screwed up my courage and called "the big gun" aka my graduate mentor. First, I apologized for being an idiot and asked if she'd re-send that plasmid to my other lab. This was not a problem. Then I very carefully explained what worried me about getting the job of my dreams someday and started hinting/asking what she thought of sharing reagents and projects with a former graduate student who would never be her competitor and would always want to work with her. To which I heard (in a tone of voice clearly suggesting that I'm a ridiculous person for sounding so nervous for asking about this) "No problem, C. What do you want to work on? I can think of at least a million projects that you could take. Seriously, no problem. You probably need more teaching experience. The research part is taken care of."

I nearly cried with relief. I thanked her profusely and sheepishly added that I was in fact asking about this nearly 2 years in advance. She laughed, but understood when I explained that I needed to know this now so that, should I be lucky enough to have a choice about job within the next few weeks, I can make a better decision that I would have been able to this morning.

What do I have them call me?

This and a whole host of other questions are now filling up most of the space in my head......

I'm officially teaching in the fall! I went in and met with the Assistant Dean of the division this morning and by the time I walked out I was officially a part-time instructor.

I knew walking in that something very strange would have to happen for me not to be offered the class, but I was still overwhelmed when it became official. I'm finally going to have my very own class - complete with 24 students and a textbook and all the other things that come along with a class - and I start in 3 weeks. This is not quite as bad as it sounds. Because it's a technical college the curriculum is statewide and therefore the overall progression of the subject has been set for a number of year - I walked out with a "syllabus" detailing the order in which I'll be teaching the various aspects of biology. So, while it's up to me to decide exactly how I'll split up those topics and where I'll put a lab section instead of lecture I won't be starting from zero as far as curriculum. Additionally, I'm instructing just one of three sections of this particular class. One lecturer is also part time and the 3rd is actually a full time instructor and is in charge of the course as a whole. I'll be meeting/communicating with these two instructors frequently in the weeks leading up to the course and then as the semester progresses. Basically, I'm not just being thrown in and I'll never feel alone as I begin the teaching portion of my career.

Ironically, it's not planning the lectures or the labs or remembering all my basic biology that worries me the most. Instead it's issues like the question I posed in the title of this blog. How will I remember all of their names? What do I do if someone ignores my "all cell phones will be turned off during my class" rule? The Assistant Dean came right out and said that one of the biggest problems that new, part-time staff face is that students view us as not having much status - ie, we have the substitute teacher problem. He asked me if I had any experience managing students in a classroom and then brought up an issue that had vaguely entered my mind at some point but was quickly shoved to the back......."You look like you're about 16 years old." Yes, I look young - but I don't dress like a 16 year old, I'm married, have a Ph.D., don't act like a 16 year old and can shoot someone a dirty look like no one's business........I'm pretty sure that if I walk in there on my first day and act confident and in charge then this will not be an issue - but I'll keep you all posted on that.

I have about 2 more days of peace before all lesson planning hell breaks loose. I was sent home today with paperwork to fill out and a new appointment for Thursday morning where I'll get more of the details of working there and about the curriculum. After that, it'll be time to settle into the lessons and lectures.

Here goes nothing........

Further confusion, but forward progress

When I last left you my postdoc mentor had contacted me to let me know he had money and that I could very likely have my position back. I was left a bit conflicted as to what I most wished to happen - go back to the postdoc or get the teaching position - and I was worried about having to commit to one before hearing about the other.

Of course things have gotten a bit murkier since then.

At the end of last week I was offered a chance to teach one course at a local technical college and while I do have to go in tomorrow to meet with the dean of the Health Sciences Division at that college it's pretty much a sure thing that I would get the class if it works with my schedule. When I first found out about this opportunity I panicked. Essentially, I felt that agreeing to a part-time position meant that I couldn't take the full time position should I be offered that at some point. In the end, I realized that I cannot pass up a sure thing for a possibility and have accepted that I could do either the postdoc or the full time teaching job too, even though that would equal one miserable semester.

Having this extra option did prompt me to e-mail those people in charge of the visiting instructor search just to see if they could give me a bit of a timeline. I don't know much, but did manage to find out that the committee will be offering interviews to candidates within the week followed by a quick decision. I've heard that before, but hopefully they really do stick to this timeline. If I could know about that job within 2-ish weeks, I think that would be early enough to not really lead to me having to decide about returning to the postdoc before I know all my options.

But now I have a bit of a new dilemma. While I've been proceeding for a long time thinking that a teaching position is the best way to go I realized that I'd been distracted from the importance of having a bit of research that I can call my own, even to get hired at a smaller, liberal arts school. This has been a natural side effect of applying for a job that was teaching only. However, a visit to my own alma mater over the past week reminded me that I would be expected to provide my students with some sort of research program in virtually every other position I might apply for. I never quite got that far in my postdoc. Of course I had a project - but it wasn't the one my boss was going to let me take with me some day, many years down the road. More to think about while I wait to hear back from both the university and/or my postdoc mentor.

I have to say that I'm considerably calmer now that I know that I'll be teaching one way or the other this fall. It has taken a while, but things are beginning to come together. Now all I have to do is wait a few more weeks to figure out what my full time work will be - and whether I have a decision to make about it or not.......