Waiting - and Lab Updates

Well, it's all over but the waiting - and that's really not something I'm good at. Again, since I'm technically still under review as far as this potential job is concerned I won't be getting into any details. I'm sorry to keep so secret like this, but the wait is almost over. I'm supposed to hear back from the school in the next 2-3 days. Such a short time but it's dragging on for me.......

I will tell you a bit more about things that have been going on around the lab. Our technician interviewed for two different positions over the course of April and after her excruciating waiting period found out yesterday that she was the first choice for both. When it rains it pours, right? She had already done quite a bit of thinking about where she'd feel the best if she found herself with this choice and so yesterday was actually pretty easy for her. She'll be staying within our department in the lab of a relatively new PI. She's incredibly relieved about having a job, but now she's getting a bit nervous about the upcoming change.

Her first day is actually going to be on June 1st. That's 2 weeks earlier than she technically had to leave our lab and so we have just one month left with J. I makes me sad that she'll be gone a bit earlier than we thought, but at the same time I'll have just two weeks left at that point. Our boss had been encouraging her to find a job and to feel free to take it as soon as she could - that she should not feel obliged to stay here until the literal last day of employment. However, when that became a reality yesterday it was pretty obvious that he's not having an easy time as the end of J's job in the lab gets nearer and is now much more real than it was even two days ago. Hopefully this last month won't become too emotional and awkward.......I'm usually ok with somewhat depressing situations unless I see other people become emotional.....then it's a different story.

(Speaking of emotional.........ask me what I thought of the new Disney movie, "Earth.")

That's all for now. Hopefully a job update one way or the other before too long.

I'm still here

I promise. Just taking it a little easy on the blogging as I work my way through the interview process and my lab work all at the same time. Updates soon.

Pretty Big Update

Friday was a day of big ups and downs.

First, we had lab drama over sudden cutting of our already limited monthly budget. That was definitely depressing - I saw what few experiments I could still get done go flying out the window.

Then, our boss appeared about 2 hours later and said we had X amount of money, he'd found some in the budget. It's not a lot, but it was still better and so I was happy again.

I left the lab and headed home a bit early and swung by the mail box. In the mail was a rejection letter from the community college saying "Thanks for all the time and effort you put in to applying. We're no longer considering you for this job." Ugh. And this was the job that I thought I was perfect for. I was sad again. But I did try to make the best of it - I figured that now I could get back in touch with my contact there and start talking about part-time work again.

Not even 30 minutes later my cell phone rang. It was a professor from the local liberal arts university that I had applied to around the same time I sent in my application for the community college. I never had a strong feeling that I fit the job description as much as they might like, but I tried anyway. I had made it past HR into the first round of interviews. I went into shock - I've been doing this for 2 months now with either nothing or a rejection waiting for me. I tried very hard not to let the relief of a desperate person creep into my voice as I thanked this particular person for allowing me the chance to be considered further. We set up my phone interview for 9:30 on Monday and that was that**.

I am one of a "manageable number" of people who were granted the phone interview and from this pool the search committee will select the final 4 candidates to present to the dean of the program when he returns from vacation a week from today. In other words, I'll know by Friday if I've made it to the final round. I'm beyond excited and beyond terrified at the same time. This is so encouraging - even if I don't get this particular position, this has made me realize that while some search committees or HR departments will not see me as ideal, others will. On the other hand, this is the closest I've been to the career I really want and it will certainly hurt more to lose it now than it would have should I have never made it past HR.

As you can see from the timing of this post, I've already had my interview. I will not go into detail in this post. Nor will I go into detail until I know whether or not I'm in the final round. I'm a bit superstitious about giving too many details too soon. Suffice it to say that the interview happened, I survived and I feel as good about it as possible considering that I now have to sit here and somehow make it through this week all the while waiting to hear if I'm still under consideration. Sitting around waiting is not high on my list of skills, but for this, the wait is worth it.

I thought I was done studying

Yesterday morning my boss was rambling about how he's worried about his daughter's chances of getting into the colleges that she's aiming for. She's a smart kid, but apparently taking standardized tests isn't quite her thing - especially the verbal half of those tests. I found myself very nearly offering my services up to tutor her for these exams since I did very well on the verbal parts. That in turn reminded me of how my husband spent about a year teaching for one of the major exam prep companies and how they're generally always in need of new instructors. (Picture the giant light bulb of the appropriate brand lighting up over my head.)

I talked to my husband last night about what I need to do to apply. It's fairly simple. I have to fill out an on-line resume and then I have to take mini "qualifying" tests in whichever subjects I would like to teach. If I score high enough, then they will contact me for the next steps in hiring. At the moment I plan to try and qualify to teach both SAT verbal and MCAT biology. What this particular company will generally do is see that I've scored well on SAT level verbal and so they will suggest that I also attempt the GRE verbal qualifying test. Likewise, if I score well on MCAT biology, then they'll suggest that I try to qualify for GRE-level biology. And suddenly they have an instructor capable of teaching 4 topics.

The verbal exam doesn't scare me. One person has attributed my verbal ability to both genetics (my mother the english professor and grammar nut) and my Catholic school education (where we started learning grammar in the 4th grade and could fully diagram sentences by the 5th). Whatever it is, this is one area where it kind of comes naturally.

Biology, ironically, did not come naturally. I always had to work hard during my classes and labs and had to study a lot for my exams. And so, taking this biology qualifying test is kind of scaring me. Yes, I know a lot about science, but it's been a very long time since I've had to sit down and take an exam about this stuff. For the past 6ish years, all I've had to do if I didn't know something was look it up or ask the person at the next bench. I'm not quite sure what tiny details have sieved out of my brain over that time that will suddenly be needed to prove that I'm qualified to teach this subject at this level.

Which is why I'm taking the next two days to "study." My husband has handed over the MCAT prep book for me to take a look at. I really am not going to go crazy over this. It's all in my head.......somewhere. I just plan to use this time and this book to move this knowledge around in my brain from somewhere to a little closer to the front.

I'll sit down over the weekend and take the two exams and see where this leads. In the meantime, it's back to the books for me.

With a little help from our PI's

It was to my great dismay that I was once again summoned into my PI's office this morning with that ever-ominous "come here finger gesture." I couldn't imagine what he was going to tell me this time.......your last day will actually be April 30th, perhaps? Seriously, nothing good has yet come of one of these secretive meetings.

Which is why I was shocked and thrilled when he started the conversation with "Where/what resources have you been using for your job search?" I should add that I was also a little confused. We're very close to the 2 month mark since finding out we needed new jobs and this is the first question that has been remotely aimed and how I'm doing finding a job. I proceeded to list what sites I search regularly and he seemed to think that I was using the right tools.

I was further thrilled when he continued our conversation with "well, if you tell me what kinds of jobs you're looking at then I can use some of my resources and keep an eye out for you too." Yikes. Really? This is obviously not a definite path to getting a new job, but I'm sure that my chances were significantly increased when the boss decided to help me out. I'm sure he knows of more websites to be checking. Add that to the local contacts at other institutions he's made during his 10-ish years in the area on top of whatever networking he can do through people here and this is a pretty good thing to have him helping out my cause.

So it took him a little while to get to the point where he could be proactive about the situation. I'm not complaining. This is certainly a case of better late than never. And, as cheesy as this sounds, even if I still don't get a job, or even if it still takes longer than I'd like, I feel just a little bit more ok knowing my boss is working to support me as I keep going down this road.

A field that drives people away

Because I got my Ph.D. in a large lab I overlapped with many people during my time there. In fact, 10 people left the lab before I did. This morning I found myself thinking about these people, graduate students and postdocs, who went before me and what they have ended up doing since leaving the lab.

Postdocs:

1) Left after a 6 year tenure in the lab to take a position at a government-run institution in the same state as our lab. She is one of the heads of a microscopy core there. She does not run her own lab and does not do much bench work in this position. She took this job because it was both conducive to a family and in the same city where her then boyfriend, now husband lived and worked.

2) Left after a 3 year tenure in the lab and enrolled in a 1 year teacher-training program in his home country. Is now a high school science teacher. Chosen because he felt his calling was in education and because he wanted to live closer to his parents and siblings.

3) Left after 5 years in the lab. Got a faculty position as mid-sized university where teaching and research responsibilities were split about 50/50. At the last update he was very unhappy because the teaching was taking up most of his time and he was making nearly zero progress with his research. Chosen because it was the best position he was able to get.

4) Left after 2 years in the lab. Went back to school and got his MBA, is now in a marketing program with really big corporation. Chosen because it was more in-line with his career goals and because the timing of the MBA program was right with the amount of time it would take his wife to finish her Ph.D. (This is my husband, by the way).

5) Left after 4 years in the lab. Got a faculty position at small-ish university in her home state. Chosen because teaching is the primary responsibility with a little bit of opportunity for research, but there isn't a lot of pressure on that aspect of the career. Also chosen so that she and her husband and son would be closer to both of their families.

Graduate Students:

1) Left the lab and attended business school. Currently lives in California with his wife and son and works for mid-sized accounting/consulting firm. Chosen because he has always been very interested in money - and he wasn't going to make much of it in science.

2) Left the lab and went to a postdoctoral fellowship at the NIH. Not sure what she's doing currently.

3) Left the lab to do a postdoc at the same institution where he was for grad school. Is now the head of the antibody core at our school.

4) Left the lab and worked with another PI at our institution on AIDS-related studies in Haiti. Her passion is public health, not basic science research and she is currently trying to get into a masters of public health program.

5) Left the lab to do a postdoc at a large, prestigious lab in a major city. Looking into city planning jobs.

6) Left the lab and tried a postdoc but was in such a bad environment that he left after just a few months. Is now the head of the microscopy core at that same institution.

Sensing the trend? Most of the grad students at least try a postdoc and then move on to something that makes them happier. The postdocs have mostly left academia or haven't found themselves quite as successful as they envisioned. It's pretty clear that something about science needs to change. All of these people I worked with were incredibly smart and could produce nice data at the bench. So why are we all leaving the traditional research career path? And more importantly, when are the people who run science going to realize that some very smart people are running away? And what are they going to do about it? When will it no longer be taboo to get a Ph.D. in science and NOT want to run your own lab? When will the resources for people like me and those others I worked with who are good at science but might be more suited for non-academic science careers be stronger?

I certainly hope that people are trying to find answers to these questions and that they do it quickly, before basic science research suffers any more than it already has.

Crossing my fingers this week

From Friday until last night I was away enjoying the sun of Mexico while I attended my sister-in-law's wedding. It was a pleasant break from both the seemingly endless gray skies and cold of winter and from my lab/thinking about a new job.

But I'm back to reality now and I'm kind of nervous this week. As of tomorrow it will be exactly two weeks beyond the closing date of the Life Sciences Instructor position that I'm very interested in. HR suggested that I'd hear from them (presuming I end up a candidate of interest) "approximately two weeks after the position closing date." So here I am - waiting - not so patiently, for a call or e-mail that may or may not happen (crossed fingers). And this is kind of the end of the line for the moment.

This time of year is typically the end of the hiring season for faculty positions and this is the last application I have out right now. I'm hopeful that I would at least get an interview for this position, but I'm also trying to mentally prepare myself to shift my focus towards what I plan to do with my time should I be hanging out at home for a while.

Meanwhile, it's time to get back into the swing of things here in the lab. Discovering my mistake early last week meant that all the work I had planned was for nothing and so I did very little in here. That was actually pretty good timing, considering that I slowly get more and more lazy and unmotivated the closer I am to a break. It's also good to have one slow day when returning to the lab as well, but starting tomorrow my motivation will be back and I'll be busy again for the near future as long as things work out as planned (crossed fingers).

Oh, and a little progress on a different front. Back in November I attended a talk here by a woman who teaches at a liberal arts college and described to us the experience and some of the ways we can get there - if that's what we're driven to do. One of the many things she does is to connect postdocs and graduate students to mentors in the area who already teach at smaller, liberal arts schools. I had e-mailed her to see if she could help me find a mentor and over the past couple of months we've been sharing sporadic e-mails to get the process going. As of last week, she had e-mailed a number of professors at a nearby college, explaining to them my area of interest and my background and as soon as one of them agrees to help me out then I'll have a mentor!

This is kind of exciting for me. It's certainly not as exciting as a paying job would be, but it's certainly a step in the right direction. This person could help me market the teaching experience that I do have to my best advantage. He/She would likely be more aware of a range of teaching jobs that I might be able to become involved with and I'm hoping that this relationship between me and my mentor may lead to something like an adjunct position at their school (crossed fingers). Any step forward is a good one right now.

Don't Burn Down the Lab

And now for a much lighter post.......

Two things you need to know about my boss:

a) He's very particular about where things are in lab, knowing exactly how many or how much of something is in the lab, what gets turned off/stays on at the end of the day etc. (We actually have a theory that when he comes in each morning, he does a tour of the lab to check everything out).

b) He's prone to reacting first, thinking and noticing (sometimes) later.

For example, one morning the three of us were greeted with "We have 8 ice buckets and I only counted 7. Where is that other ice bucket? If one of you left it somewhere you'd better get it back. We need all of our ice buckets." and on and on and on. In fact, the ice bucket was in the hood in our lab, where I had left it overnight while the dry ice/ethanol bath evaporated. If he'd been even the slightest bit observant he would have seen it (kind of one of those if it had been a bear moments........) and could have saved us all this rant. Incidents like this happen at least once a week and we're to the point now where we just sigh, point to where the 8th ice bucket (or whatever he happens to think we've lost that day) is and then roll our eyes at each other when he leaves.

With that in mind.........

Incident 1) One morning about 2 weeks ago he came in and was all in a snit because one of our heat blocks had been left on at 95 degrees* overnight and he was raving about how we almost burned the lab down. We do try to turn them off each night, but every so often we forget. Of course it's not great to leave these things on unattended, but for this heat block to cause the fire that would destroy the lab is a significant leap.

Incident 2) We have a water bath that is normally at 42 degrees, but is often used to incubate a particular solution for a particular experiment that both the boss and the grad student have been doing lately. They turn it up to 68 degrees when needed and then back to 42 degrees when they're done. No big deal. The other day, the grad student got a huge lecture from the boss about making sure that the water level in the bath is kept high when she's using it at 68 degrees since it evaporates quickly at that temperature and we don't want to burn the lab down (either he has an irrational fear of the lab burning down or he secretly wishes that's what would happen).

This morning our lab was filled with the smell of melted plastic because our boss cranked the water bath up to 68 degrees last night and didn't check the water level. This morning when he got here the water bath was completely dry and sizzling and the plastic rack that he'd left in there had completely melted and was burning. Imagine the delight of our technician this morning when she was greeted by the boss telling her that he nearly burned the lab down. Ironic, no?

*All temperatures are centigrade

Loopholes

I got my official termination letter yesterday. Toward the end of the day, my boss popped in the lab and placed a single piece of paper on my desk with a "That's for you." He turned around and nearly made it all the way out of the lab but then turned back around and asked me to go to his office for a few minutes to talk.

He wanted to know if I would come back to work for him should his grant get funded. He would know in July and the money would kick in around November, leaving me with a short window of unemployment. I assured him that I would be happy to come back, provided I didn't have a different, full-time job. He kind of laughed and told me that he was right there with me when I explained that I would be happy to come back to THIS postdoc, it's just that I can't face the prospect of having to start the whole process from scratch. We also chatted for a bit about how long S and I plan to be in this area of the country and what factors might change that. It was a nice change from his earlier "I don't want to care about this at all" attitude.

While I was in there I asked what my termination was being considered. Yes, I am not being renewed because the department cannot afford me and yes, I am being asked to stop working before my contract is officially up (to me, that's being laid off). But, I was only give a letter of termination. I didn't get any of the other paperwork that J had received about COBRA, how to start collecting unemployment, etc. I had a suspicion that my institution was going to cheat a little bit as far as my unemployment was concerned and chalk it up to the fact that I did not hold up my end of the bargain - I didn't get external funding and so this isn't a matter of being laid off, it's a matter of just not renewing my 1 year contract (even though I'm not working until the final day of that one year contract). My boss confirmed my suspicions with lots of reassurance that this was not his decision and he realizes that it's a horrible situation. I guess it's a good thing that my contract was up naturally within one week of the end of the fiscal year - otherwise the institution really would have had to claim responsibility.

To top it off my termination letter was worded kind of like this:

Dear C,

Last year you were given a 1 year contract blah blah blah. Continued training in my laboratory was contingent on you receiving outside funding - unfortunately I haven't been able to secure this funding and so I have determined the need to eliminate your position.

Your position at Institution X will be eliminated as of June 30, 2009 and therefore your last day of work at Institution X will be June 30, 2009. You insurance coverage will cease on June 30, 2009 as well. Your contribution to Institution X is greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,The Boss

My poor boss had to word that so that it came across as solely his decision and responsibility for my elimination. I felt horrible upon reading it. Needless to say, my opinion of where I work has declined significantly the more I find out about how they are handling this situation. This would not happen if I ran science.........